All Hail

Knock me down, step on my face, slander my name all over the place. You can even step on my blue suede shoes. But don't separate me from the apple of my eye, the sunshine of my life, that smooth, sexy Xerox machine that sits in the office, covered with various warnings that students may not touch it under penalty of death (or worse).

We're making progress, though. That sign did not use to apply only to students.

In 1986, I got a job teaching English in summer school. Copying machines were not nearly as ubiquitous as they are now, and in our school, they were strictly reserved for the upper echelons of management.

As a newbie, the aforementioned echelons assigned me the reading class. The school, however, had not a single textbook for reading. I told the kids to buy (the now defunct) NY Newsday daily (selling then for only 25 cents) and incurred the eternal wrath of the summer school AP by demanding access to his precious copying machine. There he'd find me day after day, copying pages from a review book for the Reading competency test my kids were then required to pass.

You could see the steam coming out of his ears as I stood there day after day (Or perhaps the steam came from the radiator, as the custodians burned oil so they'd ensure sufficient budget to buy more next year).

I got an excellent observation from a roving English AP, but the school supervisor rated me D for doubtful. I'd arrived late on several occasions (he expunged the latenesses of every teacher on staff but me), I continued to wear Hawaiian shirts to work despite his admonitions, and most egregiously, I refused to take his repeated hints to stay away from his beloved copying machine.

Now that there are more copying machines, even lowly teachers can use them. But mess with our copying machines and we'll all revert to the personality of my ex-supervisor (or worse).

You have been warned.

"F" in English for New York City Educator

Well, that's what the headline says:

Michael Levy, a health academy dean at Markham Intermediate School in Staten Island, N.Y., sent home the letter to around 100 eighth graders on Monday after a rowdy food fight in the cafeteria, the Staten Island Advance reported.

In the letter, Levy used "unexcecpable" for "unacceptable," "activates" for "activities" and "caferteria" for "cafeteria."

The letter was also filled with contradictions. Levy wrote that the students would be collectively punished and prohibited from attending the prom and the year-end class trip, according to the Advance. He then wrote that the students' punishments would be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

Hey, wait a minute. It wasn't me, I tell ya.

Fun with Charters

The entire teaching staff just walked out of a Bronx charter school. Since they're not planning to return, I don't suppose there's any danger in revealing this is the school that allowed their health insurance to lapse.

It will be tough to soldier on through June with no teachers, but this may be a golden opportunity to experiment with Nick Kristof's idea of doing away with credentials entirely. Doubtless the charter director can round up enough people off the street to teach those kids.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

Well, after reading Nicholas Kristof, I momentarily despaired of encountering voices of reason anywhere. But lo and behold, Diane Ravitch went and wrote something that made perfect sense. Rather than simply dropping teacher certification and recruiting disgruntled employees from Kentucky Fried Chicken, Ms. Ravitch proposes the following:

First, let's figure out why so many students are unwilling to behave in the classroom and do the work that is assigned to them.
Second, let's review the laws and court decisions that make it difficult to maintain a culture of high expectations and good behavior in the schools.
Third, let's make sure that schools have a solid curriculum in science, history, the arts, literature, and math so that teachers know what they are expected to teach and are well prepared to teach it.
Fourth, let's ease up on the testing mania and put the emphasis where it belongs: on providing a great education.

I haven't got all the answers, but one reason kids don't behave in the classroom (far from the only one, of course) is a weak teacher who doesn't know how to control kids. I think opening up the classrooms to anyone who feels like walking in will draw many weak teachers (and many far, far worse teachers, actually).

I suggest Mr. Kristof, to demonstrate his sincerity, visit unlicensed doctors when he's not feeling well. He ought to hire unlicensed lawyers to handle his business affairs. I personally volunteer to serve as Mr. Kristof's accountant, as I am nothing if not totally unqualified.

An emailer suggested Mr. Kristoff take his next flight to Africa with an unlicensed pilot. I think that would show true commitment.

I only hope he advises his fellow passengers. Truth be told, not everyone is equally open to innovation.

How Far We've Come

This piece was originally posted here on May 5th 2006, in response to a Nicholas Kristof column. Mr Kristof has now written another column ($) suggesting we eliminate teacher certification--apparently anyone can do this job.

I've met many, however, who can't, and shouldn't. While it's true certification does not guarantee a good teacher, I've met many who've repeatedly failed basic competency tests. Many people don't know that Chancellor Joel Klein went to Albany to win the right to retain and hire such candidates.

Perhaps Mr. Kristof would like to have them teach his kids. But I don't want them teaching mine. Or yours.

I agree that tenure should not be automatic, as it's been in this city for the past thirty years. The idea of bonuses for teaching in high-needs schools may be a good one too.

Despite what studies say, I don't believe that teachers fail to improve after two years. I learned long ago to expect nothing of administrators, and I'm always learning better ways to deal with kids. You can't help but do that if you're paying attention. How many parents do a better job with their second child, or their second teenager, than with their first?

Generally, though, my response to Mr. Kristof hasn't changed at all, and here it is:

The Nice Man Cometh

Mr. S. came into our school with a doctorate in mathematics. That's right. A doctorate. I haven't got one, and I'm duly impressed by those things--I kid you not.

He could make the slide rule sing. He could calculate pi to the umpteenth decimal. He understood all that trig and calculus that eluded the likes of me in high school.

Mr. S. walked into his classroom, started writing on the board, and an egg mysteriously appeared on it. Pop! Just like that. Mr. S. turned and asked who threw the egg, but received no response. It was an inauspicious beginning, particularly for someone who'd gone through NYC's most recent response to the 30-year teacher shortage, the Teaching Fellows program.

So why, his AP pondered, couldn't this fellow teach? Perhaps it was that he could not relate to the kids. Perhaps it was that he had no sense of humor. Perhaps it was because he'd never been in front of 34 kids before. Who knows? But after repeated conferences, repeated suggestions, and repeated calls from irate parents, nothing changed.

A student of mine, a Spanish speaker with a nice personality, asked if I would talk to Mr. S. Apparently, she had always been good in math, but was failing his class. I found him in the teacher's cafeteria. He apologized profusely, as though I had some sort of authority over him (I did not, nor was I pretending to).

I tried to ask how we could help this girl, my student, and he looked like he was holding back tears. In fact, I wondered whether he was going to take the fork he had in his hand and suddenly drive it into his heart. Mr. S. looked like the unhappiest human being I'd set eyes on in some time.

I thanked Mr. S., hightailed it out of there, and later discovered that all the students in his class were failing. That's too much to attribute to juvenile delinquency, and I was sure at least one of his students was trying. My efforts to get my kid transferred to another teacher were in vain, unfortunately.

Why am I telling you this? Nick Kristof, op-ed writer for the New York Times, thinks that teacher certification is preventing ($) Colin Powell and Meryl Streep from becoming teachers. While that may be true, the fact is they have not expressed the remotest interest in this pursuit. Kristof is happy that women have other options (so am I), and feels that results in a decline in quality. He's right. But despite impressions to the contrary you may have gleaned from watching Sex in the City, women are not deserting the profession because they hate kids. The only way is to lure better teachers, regardless of sex, is to pay them. It works like a charm in Nassau County.

Furthermore, it's idiotic to suggest we'll draw better teachers by lowering standards. We need to cut the nonsense, rid ourselves of self-absorbed education professors who wouldn't know an urban high school if they worked across the street from it for twenty years, offer practical instruction, and raise standards.

How on earth is lowering standards going to get us better teachers? New York City's been doing precisely that for thirty years, and during that time it's gone from one of the best systems in the world to one of the worst.

We need people who actually know how to reach kids. Without that, all the doctorates in the world won't make a difference.

Lowering standards, unfortunately, does not draw Meryl Streep, or Colin Powell, Jr.

It draws Mr. S.

Do you want him teaching your kid?

Related: See Miss Malarkey's response, and thanks to Schools Matter for reminding me.

Lest We Forget...

A joyous cuatro de Mayo to all.

Computers and Other Priorities

There's a great article in the Times today that suggests issuing laptops to students has not produced the desired effects:

The students at Liverpool High have used their school-issued laptops to exchange answers on tests, download pornography and hack into local businesses. When the school tightened its network security, a 10th grader not only found a way around it but also posted step-by-step instructions on the Web for others to follow (which they did).

I guess hindsight is 20/20, but I can't say I'm surprised. Our school hasn't issued laptops to kids, but every classroom, including the trailers, is ready for both hard-wired and wireless internet. The only teensy-weensy problem we have is there don't happen to be any computers in the classrooms at all.

While I'm sure there are multiple possibilities, I'd be happy with a single computer to look up things from time to time. I sometimes carry my own laptop, but I worry I'd lose it if I carried it regularly.

However, before the DoE invests in a single computer, there are a few other things on my wish list. First, I'd like them to put soap in the trailer bathrooms. Kids tell me they haven't seen it there in almost a year, and I find it unconscionable that the custodial staff views it as a luxury of which my kids are unworthy. Multiple complaints (from me) to custodians and administrators have gone unanswered.

If someone were to actually clean those bathrooms now and then, I wouldn't complain about that either.

Call me madcap, but the huge metal pipe hanging precariously outside my trailer could easily be twisted off and used as a toy or a weapon, neither of which much appeals to me.

It would be nice if they got around to repairing the AC in the trailers. Anyone who tells you tin keeps you cool in the summer probably works for the DoE in an air-conditioned office somewhere.

And pain in the neck that I am, I think they ought to replace or repair the screens in the windows (particularly now, with the AC on the fritz).

For some reason, fresh air seems to appeal to ESL students. I'm thinking American kids might like it too.

Maybe someone ought to come up with a few million and do a study.

Cross posted to Kitchen Table Math

Wake Up and Smell the Teacher

What do you do with a colleague who doesn't believe in regular bathing? I mean, before indoor plumbing I suppose people just put up with it, and covered themselves in perfumes to mask that natural stench. But nowadays, even on a teacher's salary, you can afford a place with a bathroom and a shower.

It's a baffling challenge in some respects. This particular colleague doesn't speak anything I recognize as English (and believe me, as an ESL teacher, I am more forgiving than most), nor does he respond to everyday comments beyond laughing as though I were the funniest guy in the world. People who speak his native language, which he supposedly teaches, tell me he's incomprehensible in that as well. It's not just kids putting down a teacher, because adults concur.

The other day I walked into the teachers' lounge. My malodorous colleague was there with a bunch of other teachers. I ever-so-subtly remarked, "Boy, someone in here really needs a bath," and made a great show of opening a window. However, my words seem to have fallen on deaf, or at least uncomprehending, ears.

I'm afraid my schedule puts me in this person's path on a regular basis, and the warm weather seems to have had a pronounced ripening effect. What is the protocol for a situation like this? Can I file a grievance?

I don't suppose calling his parents would help.

Darn it.

Greatest TV Theme Ever

The Prof at Right Wing Nation claims it's the theme from Mission Impossible. We on the left, however, prefer the theme from Rawhide. Being liberal, we've thrown in a bonus selection free of charge.

The Carnival of Education....

...is being hosted this week by Dr. Homeslice.

Next week, you'll find it right here. Please email contributions to the address on the upper right hand by 6 PM (Eastern Standard Time) next Tuesday night. Or use this handy submission form.

Taking a Stand

Mr. Frost teaches a college course for UFT teachers. Seven weeks into the course, he decided to actually start reading some of the assignments he'd been collecting and was horrified to discover that one student was largely copying from the book, and two were handing in identical papers.

He spoke to the student who copied from the book, and told her she'd have to write in her own words from now on. She thanked him and followed his advice. But the two who copied from each other faced a different fate. He told them it was absolutely unacceptable, and that they would almost certainly fail.

The students protested. They said that everyone did it. But Mr. Frost stood firm and failed both of them.

After all, if you don't have standards, what's the point of doing this job?

Bouncing off the Walls

Perusing the quirky Life in the Rubber Room blog sent me to an article about (What else?) the rubber room, and Georgia Argyris, a young teacher caught in its clutches. It chronicles her misadventures as she lingers there.

For those who haven't heard, New York City sends teachers awaiting or facing charges to places called "rubber rooms" where they wait and see what will (or will not) happen to them.

Theoretically, teachers must be charged within six months. If not, they must be returned to the classroom. That was not the case with Ms. Argyris, and I'm told it's often not the case at all:

Meanwhile, she passed her sixth-month mark in the rubber room without charges, but that milestone didn't, as her contract promised, put her back in a classroom. Instead, the UFT told her to keep showing up.

Now, let's not jump all over UFT leadership for failing to enforce its own contract. After all, they were embroiled in contract negotiations designed specifically to relieve rubber rooms. As a direct result, city teachers can now be suspended for months based on unsubstantiated allegations. However, despite their great enthusiasm for the contract that provided that option, the UFT seems to no longer care for it:

The union, meanwhile, says that the rubber room system is preferable to the alternative: suspending teachers without pay until their cases were adjudicated. "There would be even more delays. Cases would drag on forever," Weingarten says. "We want these cases dealt with as soon as possible and not delayed for months and months . . . More than three years ago, I proposed creating a super-arbitrator system to clear the backlog of cases. The DOE rejected that."

Gee, that sounds like a good idea. If only we had someone who'd negotiate contracts rather than taking whatever came down the pike and declaring, "That oughta be good enough. If only someone had stood up and said, "City teachers, like all Americans, are innocent until proven guilty."

But I digress. Read the article and feel free to comment here. There are several curious factors in Ms. Argyris' case:

1. The principal who charged her ended up rescinding her allegations.

2. Ms. Argyris, for some reason, managed to be absent 65 times in 18 months.

3. Ms. Argyris made a deal to pay $2,500 and accept dismissal if she accumulated 55 more minutes of tardiness (She did and was fired). However, she was told she'd be fired if she didn't accept the deal.

So there you have it. A teacher is charged with something no one even says she did anymore, and is fired as a result of a deal she made, under obvious duress, after sitting in purgatory for 18 months. Don't you think an 18-month stay in the rubber room would cause most people to consider deals not in their interest?

Why on earth can't the DoE make charges immediately rather than waiting 6 months? Could you imagine what this country would be like if the police could dump you in a room and wait six months before even revealing why you were arrested?

For a lot of people in rubber rooms, it's no problem at all.

Mr. Bloomberg's Secret Weapon

Reorganize your city's school system from top to bottom. When you fail to produce viable results, just do it again, and again. What would you pay for a manual that showed you how to do that?

Don't answer yet. Reorgs can show you how to get taxpayers to finance every bit of your program, and make it appear that you know what you're doing.

Want to stay in office based on your educational "achievements?" All you need is this book, enough money to finance your own campaign, and the most inept opponents on God's green earth.

Here are just a few testimonials from satisfied customers:

Mike from Manhattan says:

Boy, this book is the bee's knees. I didn't know a darn thing about governing a large city, let alone making people think I was improving schools. This book has been well-worth what the taxpayers shelled out for it. I'm gonna have them send copies to my buddies in LA and DC pronto.

Joel the K. says:

Before I got this book, I had a tedious, demanding job. Now I hobnob with rich people, go to gala luncheons, and journalists everywhere want my opinions. Thanks, Reorgs. I'll never have to read another book again.

Available at finer bookstores everywhere. But get 'em quick, before your political opponents horde all the copies for themselves.

Coming soon: Statistics for Mayors

Apathy Rules

In Mr. Bloomberg's New York, many parents are so disheartened that they don't even bother running for his school parent council. At candidates' forums, many of those actually running don't even trouble themselves to show up. It's remarkable that this mayor has been able to alienate so many genuine stakeholders in city schools.

But really, what are parents to do? The last major challenge to the mayor, the May 9th rally, was unilaterally canceled by UFT President Randi Weingarten and her rubber stamp executive board, which was itself selected by fewer than 20% of working teachers ("Why bother?" reasoned the rest). Several parent groups, in fact, seem to have backed Ms. Weingarten in her continuing commitment to let this mayor do whatever the hell he likes.

This accomplishes two major objectives: Mr. Bloomberg can continue his wildly ostentatious pretense of meaningful reform, and Ms. Weingarten can continue to position herself as a political "moderate" with whom even conservatives can feel comfortable. You won't see Ms. Weingarten making inconvenient demands on behalf of those she supposedly represents, and no one can call her a socialist. Perhaps if Hillary makes it, she'll be comfortable enough to name Ms. Weingarten US Secretary of Education.

For substantive reform, parents are going to have to stand up and demand what works--good teachers, smaller classes, and decent facilities for their kids. There is no substitute.

Ms. Weingarten, in front of God and everybody, endorsed a plan that does nothing but hurt teachers, a plan which blatantly encourages principals to look at price tags rather than quality. It's her primary job, supposedly, to protect teachers. If she's unwilling to do even that, it's highly doubtful she gives a damn about parents.

IED or GED?

George Bush's figures on violence in Iraq do not include car bomb attacks. Things sound a little rosier when you hear only what suits your agenda:

"Since the administration keeps saying that failure is not an option, they are redefining success in a way that suits them," said James Denselow, an Iraq specialist at London-based Chatham House, a foreign policy think tank.

And Mayor Bloomberg's dropout figures don't include students who've taken GEDs:

In the reports on New York City, students who receive a GED are counted as graduates. The benefit of earning a GED, according to national research, is just a slight improvement over dropping out. On the other hand, there is a tremendous difference between earning a GED and earning a bona fide high school diploma.

Federal law requires that in calculating graduates for the purposes of No Child Left Behind, you look at students who graduate from secondary school with regular diplomas. The federal requirement does not count GED students, and the graduation rate is the percentage of students measured from the beginning of high school. Not counting them if they haven’t been there two years is just something that the State of New York has made up.

The state has now agreed to that change, and backs up the city's rosy figures.

That's what's behind the city's highly touted 50% graduation rates. Note that the Times, in its zeal to fawn all over this mayor, makes no mention of that. It's not all that hard to mimic achievement by fudging your statistics.

In fact, in this city, with this mayor, it's politics as usual.

Didja Hear the One About the Teacher Who Ran for Congress?

Me neither, till I read this column by Sam Freedman in the Times. Tim Walz took a leave of absence from his job as a high school history teacher, and waddya know, he actually got elected. It's good to know there's at least one real teacher making decisions about education in Washington.

Mr. Walz has mixed feelings about NCLB:

When Mr. Walz speaks about No Child Left Behind, he balances his praise for the ideal of accountability with criticism of its testing provisions as too rigid. Mankato West, for instance, is considered out of compliance solely because several dozen special-education pupils out of a student body of 1,200 did not make “adequate yearly progress” on math.

But what inspires the congressman’s greater frustration is something subtler, that only a teacher would notice: How the emphasis on standardized tests has narrowed the intellectual range of teaching. He had to forgo the time-consuming studies of crime in St. Paul in favor of drilling students on state capitals. He had to reduce world history from a yearlong class to a four-week unit.

But I was really struck by his comment about his high school classroom:

“I can tell you for a fact,” Mr. Walz told the lingering students, “there have been far better debates held in rooms like this than on the floor of Congress.”

Maybe we ought to do something about that too. He's got my vote.

Mr. Bloomberg Goes Green

Well, he hasn't precisely done so yet. But if he does, you'll certainly notice. He has this habit of leaving the lights on all night in city buildings, even those that haven't opened yet. This is an odd revelation, particularly since Mr. Bloomberg just chided New Yorkers to pay 8 bucks for the privilege of driving through Manhattan.

Personally, I'd pay 8 bucks not to drive through Manhattan. Are you one of those people who, upon hearing there's a water shortage, leaves the shower on all night to test whether or not it's actually true? No? Then why on earth did you select this mayor?

The Education Department paid $172,000 in the most recent fiscal year for lighting, elevators, air conditioning and heating for the Court St. building.

If the department stopped running its lights at night, it would potentially save a third of that cost, or about $57,000 a year. The city could hire one new teacher at the average starting salary of $42,512 or two new cops at $25,000 each.

The still-vacant courthouse in the Bronx required $78,000 of electricity in February, said Paul Bergdorf, a spokesman for the state Dormitory Authority, which is constructing the courthouse for the city.

The city is paying for the building costs, including the electricity. Turning the lights off at night in February could have saved city taxpayers as much as $26,000.

Wow. Maybe we ought to take care of those things before we charge Queens residents 8 bucks to go to Manhattan. And maybe we should try hiring good teachers, reducing class sizes, and constructing decent facilities for the city's 1.1 million schoolchildren before we engage in draconian privatization schemes.

Or maybe we should just continue to ignore common sense and hope for the best.

Thinking About a Charter Gig?

I just got an email from a charter school teacher. Two teachers at the school just found out their insurance lapsed. Apparently, the charter had only contracted the company until March.

Oops.

They only discovered this when they got bills. Fortunately they had some money saved, as being on call for parents for hours after every work day pretty much precludes costly and wasteful social activity.

As Mayor Bloomberg moves toward charterizing public schools, with the explicit blessings of UFT President Randi Weingarten, perhaps your principal will one day choose and pay for your health plan too. Expect little growing pains like these.

After all, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

All New Carnival

Over at EdWonk's place. Open now.

Hurry before all the good seats are taken.

The Family that Sings Together...

On Saturday night, sadly, I was in New Jersey. While there, I met a mother of ten who travels with her husband and kids in a bus. One Sunday, she told me, they sang in a church and made more in tips than the husband had been making at his job. Now they sing at churches, radio stations, and basically anywhere they can.

The thing that stood out most about them, though (to me, at least), was that Mom is homeschooling the eight school-age kids. You'd think having ten kids wasn't a monumental task in itself. Mom also plays guitar in the band. Dad drives the bus, and walks around dressed like Colonel Parker. Or maybe Colonel Sanders.

I have a lot of respect for people who take on the task of homeschooling their kids. I have only one kid, and I don't think I'm up to it. In fact, when my daughter wanted to study the violin, I paid a teacher rather teach her myself. Perhaps it runs in the family--when a light fixture burned out in my grandparents' home, my grandfather, an electrician, famously instructed my grandmother, "Call an electrician."

My kid loves school. She would kill me, I'm sure, if I ever attempted to homeschool her. She's very social and thrives on interaction with her peers. These kids, however, have playmates all over the bus they call home. They seemed very happy to me.

That mom is my new hero. I couldn't do what she does in a million years.