Now That I'm Famous...

...I can get a swelled head and stop hanging with my lowlife friends. Maybe I can get a job with my union and stop working altogether.

Anyway, NYC Educator is quoted in today's Daily News. You have to scroll down to see it (as they saved the best for last).

Oddly, on the web version of a column called "Eopinion," the web addresses don't link to the sites.

So much for the extra 5 million readers I was hoping for.

Mr. Peabody Redux

There are curiouser and even curiouser accomplishments, which you can examine right here in "The World of Student Bloopers." I learned many things from it:

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. He reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

Everybody's Doing It

This morning's Times reviews a new book about plagiarism, who gets away with it, and why. I am continually amazed at how many teachers routinely accept plagiarized papers. I frequently see them hanging on bulletin boards.

I once had a very bright ESL student who happened to leave her paper in the office. She had received an A from her teacher, who happened to be the AP of social studies.

I read the paper, found out where the girl was, and called her out of her classroom. I told her I knew she didn't write the paper, and that if I knew, other teachers could figure it out too. She asked, frantically, "Are you going to tell Ms. Myopic?" I said no, but I wanted her to know that people could tell. I told her she could be expelled from college for doing that.

I was once reading English Regents exams, and noticed two clearly plagiarized papers which were identical even in spelling errors. When I brought them to my AP, she asked, "Who else but you would notice that?" Everybody, I hoped. The students' teacher defended them by saying that they'd actually copied from something she'd written on the board. I wondered whether the teacher had plagiarized it and added her poor spelling by habit.

One of the students had a language teacher who claimed that memorization was very important in her country, that students did it regularly, and that it was therefore OK. I recited a verse from Annabel Lee, and asked whether it would be OK for me to publish it.

No one responded. A group of administrators, including the principal, met and determined the best thing to do was ask the kids to come in. When they did, the kids were asked to rewrite the essay. The kid from the country where plagiarism was very important produced an entire paragraph from memory, and the administrators decided not to void his exam.

I walked down the hall, and demanded to see the principal. This was odd for me, because I'd not spoken to her in years. I went in, sat down, and she began praising me effusively. I was so smart, why wasn't I an administrator, we needed more teachers like me, blah blah blah, and I was halfway down the hall before I realized she'd handled me, snowed me, played me like a violin, and gotten me the hell out of her office before I'd even gotten a response.

I couldn't go back, as she'd more than earned the right to be rid of me. She was very, very smart and I'll always respect her for getting over on me like that (though I still don't agree with her at all).

But when kids start handling me like that, it'll be time to retire.

Around the Blogs

Mamacita of Scheiss Weekly doesn't suffer fools lightly, and she is absolutely on fire writing about them.

California Teacher Guy offers a thoughtful post of biblical quotes that relate to education. He's also kindly provided interpretations for those of us hopelessly baffled by "thees" and "thous."

The Chalkboard fails to discern the prestige in having crappy schools named in your honor.

April May has a list of resolutions she wishes other teachers would make. They make perfect sense (which is probably why no one's ever proposed them before).

Peter Campbell has a few serious reservations about KIPP schools, often hailed as the best thing since sliced bread.

And Pissed Off Teacher, whose very name suggests the end of the line, now wants to keep teaching. Go figure.

Children First

That's Mayor Bloomberg's mantra. In order to help children, he's going to push a 230 million dollar school project on contaminated land in the South Bronx. In a concession to critics who say kids shouldn't study on contaminated sites, Deputy Mayor Walcott says he'll clean it up.

Meanwhile, non-contaminated grounds are being devoted to private schools, Mayor Mike won't guarantee that area residents can attend his new proposed schools (or any other new schools), he routinely excludes kids who might bring scores down, he excludes dropouts from graduation statistics, and rejoices that there will be no oversight of CFE funds (reduced by two-thirds as a direct result of his intransigence).

Way to go, Mayor Mike. It's a good thing you've rejected all that nonsense about good teachers, smaller class sizes and decent facilities. That stuff may work in Nassau County, but it's too expensive and New York City needs to innovate.

It's entirely possible that one day, one of the innovations may work. Why should 30 years of abject failure discourage you?

Getting Ready for the Weekend

It's two minutes before the end of the last class and my kids are working on something they're never going to finish. They all know I'm going to call it homework before we're gone.

The girl who sits by the door has already put it away and is busily counting her birth control pills. I'm thinking about whether or not to tell her to put them away when the bell mercifully rings and she does it herself.

It's kind of indiscreet to count your birth control pills in the classroom.

But it's not nearly as indiscreet as getting yourself pregnant at fifteen.

Another Shocker

Kids who cut classes, don't do homework, and never study don't show up for tutoring either.

Of the 184,790 students who attend failing schools in poor neighborhoods, only 50,524 - or 27.3% - have signed up for tutoring provided under the No Child Left Behind Act so far this year.

Oh my goodness, they don't even bother signing up (Could it be that such kids will not end up in charter schools, ever?). Personally, I'm stunned that this is happening, despite the best efforts of the non-educators who design these laws. Perhaps it's understandable, since their kids, who invariably attend private schools, don't have these particular problems.

It's a good thing that teachers are not in leadership positions, and are never, ever consulted, or these laws might not be as successful as they are.

Nepotism, Shmepotism

Alan Hevesi has resigned as comptroller. So who ought to overlook the state's finances? How about Mayor Bloomberg's girlfriend? She says she's up for the task.

One of the mayor's priorities in the CFE case (which was to provide smaller classes and better teachers for NYC kids) was to ensure there was no oversight in how he spent the money. Here's someone who'll be sure not to provide it.

OK, his girlfriend isn't actually Randi Weingarten (as far as I know), but isn't that a great picture (stolen from Norm)?

Death to Middle School

When we were in junior high school, my mom and her neighbor used to look at us and say, "They're at that %$@% age."

But what's changed? It's all over the papers--middle schools are a huge problem. Maybe a better way to get kids to learn algebra is to put on a cowboy hat and sing 'em a few tunes. Me, I hate cowboy hats. But middle school teachers who don't wear them are running away in droves.

Still, it seems no matter what you do, or where you do it, that's a problem age. Middle schools were the answer to junior high schools. How could you control those awful 7th, 8th, and 9th graders? It was thought the combination of 6th, 7th, and 8th graders would prove unbeatable. However, educrats now feel it may be beatable after all. They're trying new things:

At the Brooklyn Secondary School for Collaborative Studies, in Carroll Gardens, which includes grades 6 through 12, school does not start until 9 a.m., because the principal, Alyce Barr, believes adolescents are by nature not morning people.

I'm not a morning person either, but I have this job and all, so I force myself. I particularly dislike the 6-12 configuration, because I picture my little daughter (currently in fifth grade) wandering the same halls as that 21-year-old working on his fourth high-school credit. Also, my daughter's actually mastered the art of waking up in the morning, and she may need that talent in the future.

In New York City, about ten years ago they eliminated 9th grade altogether from the middle, junior high, or whatever they were calling those underutilized schools. They moved all the ninth graders to the overutilized high schools, and that's one of the reasons my building is now at 250% capacity (75% of NYC high schools are overcrowded).

Another thing they're working on is K-8 schools. Personally, I'd rather my child be around kids closer to her own age. Junior high kids, or middle school kids, or whatever you wish to call them are at a rough age, and even the very best districts have problems with them.

Moving them from school to school is not the solution. The solution is my standard prescription--good teachers, manageable class sizes, and decent facilities. There are no shortcuts.

Come to think of it, my mom and her neighbor said the same things about us when we were in elementary and high school (I'll bet they're saying the same thing now, as a matter of fact).

Elliot Gets It...

...and he's about to give it to us, too.

So says Maisie over at Edwize--Governor Spitzer says he's for lower class size. I knew that, and that was one of the reasons I voted for him. But Maisie has the whole story, which I must have missed:

He went on to call for a longer school day and year, after-school programs, school Internet libraries and improved teaching. He made univeral pre-K and raising the state charter cap additional major proirities.

Wow! A longer school day and year. Great. Since we already work 190 days, more than any neighboring district, I see this as a huge improvement. I'm tired of spending time with my kid on the nights I don't work and in the summer (on the days I don't work), so I'm really glad I voted for Elliot.

Thanks, UFT, for supporting this guy! Since teaching is such an easy job, involving no stress whatsoever (particularly for those in UFT offices sitting on double pensions), I'm sure they can't wait to help out the governor.

After all, they regularly trade our time for money, label such trades "raises," and thus let us know they value our time not one whit. While we patrol the halls, cafeterias, and bathrooms, while we get 90-day unpaid suspensions, while we can't transfer without permission (and we gave away the right to do so for less than nothing), while we become ATRs, while we teach six classes, while we get letters we cannot grieve, they stay one extra hour in UFT HQ, doing whatever it is they do in there. And for that, they get pay increases equal to ours, and increase our dues.

Raising the charter cap came with a poison pill allowing Klein and Bloomberg to convert existing schools to charters without community approval. Like yours, or your kid's. Who knows where they'll send you (or your kids) after such conversions? This will go a long way to help accomplish their goal of eliminating public schools entirely.

It's great to know we have such good buddies running the state. The UFT's prescience never ceases to amaze me.

Had it with Hobbits?

Not yet? Then you'll want to grab the Lord of the Rings Trilogy DVD set for $15 - 10% off & free shipping using coupon MCOCT2006-- you get the whole thing for fourteen clams.

NYC teachers can still hold onto 736 pre-tax Randibucks, once they get 'em.

from Slickdeals.net

Waits Till I Gets Me Spinach

There's a panic in Maplewood, New Jersey. The latchkey kids have taken over the library, and there's no controlling them. Some kids are okay, apparently. But not all:

Others, library officials say, fight, urinate on the bathroom floor, scrawl graffiti on the walls, talk back to librarians or refuse to leave when asked. One recently threatened to burn down the branch library. Librarians call the police, sometimes twice a day.

What's a town to do? Well, this one has decided to close its libraries from 2:45 to 5:00 PM. That seems kind of drastic. If I were sending my kid to the library to do homework or research, it would be hugely inconvenient.

Who's to blame? Is it the parents who rely on the library for babysitting? Is it the town, which apparently has no place else for the kids to go? Is it completely the fault of the kids for behaving like they do? Personally, it's hard for me to blame the librarians, who are neither trained nor paid to control this sort of thing. They don't have the authority we do, and I've never heard of kids going to summer school for misbehaving in the library.

What would you do if you were mayor of Maplewood?

Extra Credit: Check out the 100th Carnival of Education over at Teaching in the 21st Century.

Selling the Schools

Here's something most public schools haven't had to worry about--an advertising budget. Bloomfield, Connecticut is spending thousands of taxpayer dollars promoting its public schools via radio and billboards.

'The world has changed,' said David Title, superintendent of Bloomfield schools.

'Families have more choices about where they go to school. It's a more competitive environment.'

Title and his staff want to retain Bloomfield students who can choose from charter, magnet, private and parochial schools in Greater Hartford. But they also want to get the attention of families and good teachers considering a move, so they've taken to radio with spots touting the school system during morning and afternoon drive time.

I pay about $8,000 a year (in Nassau County) in property taxes, and personally, I don't feel like paying more to get the word out. Can you imagine what Klein and Bloomberg would do? Dimes to dollars they'd promote charters and private schools and let the public schools rot (which they seem to be doing already).

Do you think people could be swayed by advertising? Or do home values pretty much speak for themselves?

Driving Mr. Pataki

New York's new governor, Eliot Spitzer, has approved round-the-clock security for his predecessor, George Pataki. The Post estimates this could cost taxpayers $20,000 per week or more.

This is a very odd development, coming on the heels of Alan Hevesi's resignation (due to his utilizing state employees to chauffeur his wife). Of course Governor Pataki is not receiving perks simply because of marriage. Still, previous outgoing Governor Mario Cuomo received no such benefit.

Thanks to Schoolgal

New Year's Resolutions

First, a joyous 2007 to all.

I wish you a year filled with health and prosperity.

If you're a New York City teacher, you just got $750, and remember a good portion of that will go to the federal government. These funds go directly toward fighting communism, and no one likes communism (except perhaps California Teacher Guy, who suspiciously says "full stop" instead of "period").

If you aren't a New York City teacher, I hope you already have $750. Consider, though, you may not need it as badly if you don't live here, where a one-room shack goes for half-a-million bucks (assuming you can locate one).

Let's hope that our new governor, Eliot Spitzer, sees fit to sign that 25/55 legislation we've heard so much about. That way, we can all retire and spend time in taverns, which are much in need of our dollars during these troubled times. The tavern is an American institution, and it behooves us all to support it.

Most importantly, I beseech all of you to drink American this year. Regardless of what sort of swill Budweiser may produce, it's still our company. And if that's not your cup of tea (and don't drink tea, that's not American at all), there's Miller, Pabst, Schlitz, Piels, and a host of others. If you insist on that imported commie beer, go with Lowenbrau's (which I understand is actually made here).

Remember, here at NYC Educator, we don't care what kind of beer you drink. As long as it's American, you're A-OK in our book.

But Can They Speak?

Here's some food for thought--- Chinese schools have classes of 45 in humid, non-air-conditioned 90-degree classrooms, yet the only voice you hear is that of the teacher.

Can you imagine doing that here? I can't. Is that because our teachers aren't as good as theirs? I don't think so.

If the students were talking, of course, they wouldn't be able to run schools in this manner. Despite their orderliness, I don't want my child in a classroom like this. Maybe they could make her pass more tests, and maybe I'm idealistic, but I think schools need to do more than that.

At the first school, we were told that, at the present time, more than 200 million Chinese students are learning English. Two hundred million children learning our language! And they do so because China is committed to becoming an economic superpower to rival the United States within 10 years.

They may not need to wait that long, given our profligate borrowing habits. But as for learning English, having taught hundreds if not thousands of Chinese kids, I think their government needs a new approach. There's absolutely no way 45 silent kids learn to speak English, or any foreign language.

One of the most difficult things about my job is forcing silent kids to speak. And if I succeed, I then need to work on making them speak audibly, which is another thing entirely. I'm always amazed that while my colleagues are working overtime trying to keep kids quiet (and of course I have kids like that too), I'm on my hands and knees, begging and pleading with improbably quiet kids to open their mouths and make sound come out.

Are you jealous? You might not be if you had to do this. It's more difficult than you'd imagine, as it takes extreme persistence to overcome lifetimes of trained silence. Still, it's very gratifying if and when you succeed.

James and Sylvia

James came from Haiti. He was a big guy with a big mouth, who often used it to express his medieval opinions about women. I can't remember exactly what he used to say, but "barefoot and pregnant" springs to mind. Though he was not open to other points of view, he would generally shut up when asked.

Sylvia was from Bangladesh. She was very, very quick-witted. One day, after James announced he could do anything better than any woman (which was odd, since so many of them were doing better than he was in English class), Sylvia asked, "Do you think you could play chess better than me?"

James said, "Of course." The fact that Sylvia was some sort of chess champion, who had points in some professional league somewhere, did not faze him at all. Sylvia said, "If you beat me, I'll tell the class that everything you say about women is completely true. If I win, you will apologize for everything you've said, and never talk about us like that again."

James agreed.

I set one day of class time for the big match. Sylvia brought in a rolled-up chess board, the game pieces, and one of those clocks they use at matches. She checkmated James very quickly, and had to keep telling him where he could and could not move his pieces.

James, as good as his word, apologized and stopped making remarks about women. I asked him why he'd chosen to take on Sylvia, knowing that she was a champion and having almost no idea how to play the game.

"A man can never turn down a challenge," he said.

Math Humor

Having discussed it briefly in the comments yesterday, I must point out that Miss Cellania has a whole page of it.

Knock yourselves out, number fiends.

No entiendo

I don't often write about NCLB, but I'm troubled by the way it treats ESL kids. Joseph Berger had a column a few days ago addressing this issue. Is it reasonable to give the same English test to kids who don't actually know the language? I don't think so (In the early twentieth century non-English speakers were give IQ tests in English. When they failed, they were deemed to be mentally retarded). But NCLB says within one year they have to do so anyway.

Some people say it takes five years to acquire a language. Others say that's too long (For young children, it certainly is). For older kids, like those I teach, I'd say a more reasonable target is three years (though there are exceptions). The column neglects to mention that age is a pivotal factor, and that our ability to acquire language goes into a nosedive right around puberty. From reviewing NCLB dictates, I see no evidence whatsoever that who administer the law are aware of this.

Port Chester schools, the focus of this article, claim to be worried about the self-images of kids taking these tests. It seems far more likely they're worried what the inclusion of these kids will do to their statistics. It's unfortunate when concerns like that overshadow the welfare of kids, but that's an inevitable result of rampant high-stakes testing.

There is no mention whatsoever of high school kids, who've been required to take the NY State English Regents exam for years. It was absurd to raise the requirements for older kids before younger kids, and it once again showed a complete lack of familiarity with language acquisition. I can make kids pass the Regents Exam, but I could serve them far better by helping them acquire English. As things are, I endlessly drill them on a simplistic formula for earning a bare minimum score on a test, teaching them "writing skills" that are hardly appropriate for anything but the test.

Oddly, the article focuses on two kids who were actually born in the US. It's hard for me to see why they should be exempted. They should have learned English by now, particularly if they've been attending school. I regret that these kids may be "embarrassed" by their scores, but I have no idea how they spent so much of their young lives in ESL. Perhaps they were in so-called "bilingual" classes, where they got little or no exposure to English.

Unless they live in caves with no TV, or schools work full-time at keeping them there, or both, it's very hard for normal kids to avoid acquiring English--with time. But all kids need time, and NCLB needs to consider that.

What's 1/3 Plus 1/4?

UFT President Randi Weingarten doesn't know. This may explain why she's so keen on contracts that fail to meet inflation, like the last two she accepted with little or no negotiation.

I'm no math whiz, but I was helping my fifth-grader convert fractions to common denominators and decimals two weeks ago. I've got a handle on that whole 3 times 4 thing.

As Rhoda Morgenstern said, "I don't like to brag, but I'm a high school graduate."

Thanks to Retired Teacher.